Yes, today again, is 28. I have to say 27 was worse, but still 28 is the one we all remember. Four years ago life as we all knew it, stop being. When we thought we had it all under control, when we could see our lives till the very end, we realize, that is not how it works. Life comes and goes, someone willingly or unwillingly can steal it from you, and from those who loved you. And still, our brain has trouble understanding it. Or maybe it's our heart, it has trouble letting go. When my love had to go I felt like someone had come with a punching hole machine and got a chunk off my chest, and I still have it, and will always have it, the hole. In days like this, the air flows through reminding me of that emptiness and all the nervous system that surrounds the hole feels more sensitive, more in pain more alive and more dead. I have another hole, for my little boy, so that he doesn't have to have it, and who cannot quite understand yet what it means far far far away. In days like today it is good to feel my dear ones, my family, my dear friends, from all continents on Earth. We all have our holes and we share the same pain.
Sí, hoy de nuevo, es el 28. Tengo que decir que 27 fue peor, pero aún así 28 es la que todos recordamos. Hace cuatro años, la vida como todos la conocíamos, dejo de serlo. Cuando creíamos que lo teníamos todo bajo control, cuando podíamos ver nuestras vidas hasta el final, nos damos cuenta, que no es así como funciona. La vida viene y va, alguien queriendo o sin querer te la puede robar, y a aquellos que te querían. Y, aun así, nuestro cerebro tiene problemas para aceptarlo. O quizá sea nuestro corazón, que no puede dejarlo ir. Cuando mi amor se tuvo que ir, sentí como si alguien hubiera venido con una máquina perforadora y me hubiera sacado un pedazo de mis entrañas, y todavía sigue así, y siempre lo seguirá, el agujero. En días como este, el aire fluye a través de el para recordarme ese vacío, y todo el sistema nervioso que rodea el agujero se siente más sensible, siente más el dolor, está más vivo y más muerto. Tengo otro agujero, por mi hijo, para que el no lo tenga, y porque no puede entender todavía lo que significa muy muy lejos. En días como hoy es bueno sentir cerca a mis seres queridos, mi familia, mis queridos amigos, de todos los continentes en la Tierra. Todos tenemos nuestros agujeros y compartimos el mismo dolor.


11 comments:
wow carmen, you put to words very well today what you feel, what we feel. you are a strong and brave woman who has managed to make the best of a very hard situation. we are so thankful that mcnair found you and chose you to be his wife and the mother of his child. i am sure that mcnair is smiling down on us and wishing he was here as much as we do. besos...
que bonito Carmen, y que emotivo. Yo tambien lo siento por los dos pero mas porque Luca no tuvo ocasion de conocer mas a su papi, que tantos proyectos tenia para el, pero yo estoy segura que con tu guia el los realizara todos y mas, y al final se dara cuenta de que su papi siempre esta con el. besitos y lagrimas
mr
pensando en ti, en Luquita, en Julie, en Sara Jane y Welch...todo el dia, un abrazo carinnoso desde lejos.
Te mando un fuerte abrazo.
You put it very well, there is a hole. I can't stop thinking how come life is so unfair and one should live a life as if there is no tomorrow. And McNair did make the most of his short one. He accomplished so much, he was a great father, husband, student and friend. McNair was a great human being and we can tell Luca all the nice things about his father. We have lots and lots to tell him.
Un abrazo del corazon, a la distancia, de una lectora a la que haces inspiras dia a dia con tu blog, tu vida, tu sabiduria, tu hijo, tu entereza, y tu capacidad de disfrutar de cada detalle de tu vida.
besos hermanita, que bonito lo contaste
CArmen qué bonito lo que dices....muchos besos y abrazos para los dos.....
Carmen el comentario anterior de anónimo era mia....Inma....de verdad que la informática y yo.....os echamos ya mucho de menos.....
Mucho ánimo Carmen.
Besotes
Elisa
chitina@hotmail.com
well my heart felt for your heart and I loved how you said you took the hole also for your son. You know as an outsider/reader to this blog, you stare at a vibrant man, a father and husband and your mind wonders to a strong young woman and Mom with a young son who are devoted to each other and then you stare at the 3 people in this little blog story and you question as why this should happen to a young wonderful family. I guess all of us will be faced in many ways and avenues of unanswered question/s.It is so good Carmen to have God, Health, Family, and Friends.
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